Delivery story 279 Homegrowngirlie writes: I delivered pizza for Papa Johns "in between jobs" for a year and a half in a small south Georgia town. I had plenty of "interesting" deliveries, these are just some of the most ... special. The shopping center where the Papa John's was located has storm drains sunken about 6 inches into the asphalt in the bit of road that goes right along the store fronts. These mothers will wreck your suspension if you hit them, period. Well, I was leaving on delivery and had to turn onto the road along the storefront. Behold, two VERY (self) important people had parked in the fire lanes (pet peeve of mine) and left no room to squeeze around them *and* the killer storm drain. I was having a pretty bad night, and forgot that my windows were down, and began yelling obscenities at the top of my lungs about lazy self important blah blah ... you get the picture. Well! The driver of one of the vehicles and her posse of Buffies were getting into the vehicle and heard what I said. Rather than feeling appropriately embarrassed by taking up an emergency lane because she was too lazy to park to shop, this suburbanite psycho hops in her SUV and proceeds to follow me. I try to play cool and just head to my delivery, but she got progressively more and more aggressive, tailgating, honking, flashing her lights. The run I was on took me right into the heart of a bad area, so instead of just going to the customer's house, I started taking random turns, just to see how much gas I could get her to waste. This made her so mad, she pulled up next to me at a stop light and yelled at me to get out so we could fight. (Don't mind if I don't, Becky!) Instead, I called my store and had them send the biggest, meanest people we had working (including my boyfriend) out to the front of the store. Needless to say, when I pulled in, she hauled ass. I described the vehicle to the manager and a couple other drivers, and the manager on duty sent me home so that I wouldn't have to worry about her coming up there to find me later or whatever. He also had another driver follow me home. Well! This driver had a delivery to a totally different part of town from where I was followed. Sure enough, he spotted the SUV full of Stepfords and started messing with them. The hilarious thing is, they thought it was him that they had followed before, because Buffy kept saying, "Ooh, you came back for more!" (We have a 19-year-old skinny blonde guy in a green Honda verses a 25-year-old chubby brunette chick in a white Cavalier.) He just stared her down, constantly increasing his speed, and she kept up. He was in the left lane, and she was closest to the curb. He suddenly jerked the wheel to the right, just enough to freak her out, which made her run up on the curb going about 55 in a 35. I love unsolicited vengeance! Also, our local sheriff's office is horrible. I was delivering to a rural but developed area of town at about 6 PM (summertime, so it was broad daylight) when about 7-9 bat-wielding junior high thugs surrounded my car at a stop sign in an attempt to rob me. Stupid move, given that a) who's dumb enough to get out of the car so the bat will be effective? and b) in a game of rock, paper, scissors, bat, CAR, CAR will always win unless someone jams scissors up under the tire. I swerved around the mini-gangstas and one of them whacked my already-beat-up car with his bat. The customer I was delivering to was a regular, a really nice middle-aged lady and her family, so when I arrived I told her what had happened and she let me use her phone to call the sheriff's office because my cell was almost dead. After waiting for at least 45 minutes, the officer showed up and said he'd gone to the intersection in question and there were no mini-thugs, and nobody in the area had seen anything, and insinuated that I must have made the story up. (Why, for the love of all that's holy, would that be the thing to do in prime delivery tip time on a Friday evening?) A few hours later, one of the other drivers got a call from a friend who worked for a different pizza chain. She had a delivery to the same road after dark, and they had given a fake address. She drove back and forth trying to find it and finally stopped to call. (Stupid! Keep moving!!!) While she was stopped, she was forced out of her car by 7-10 bat-wielding mini-thugs who slashed all four of her tires, took the pizzas, and all the money she had on her. Good looking out, cops. One vehicle patrolling that area could have saved a driver a set of tires and a lot of trauma. return to top