Delivery story 171 Jimmy James writes: I was home from my first year of college and worked at a gourmet pizza place that had just opened up in Westlake, Ohio. While out on a slew of deliveries, I had this last delivery for somebody who wanted like 4 or 5 personal pizzas in nearby Bay Village. I recognized the name as someone who was a real estate developer in the area but judging by the neighborhood, doubted this person was related. Upon ringing the bell, to my surprise, I found out the resident was actually the guy I was thinking of. He was barely dressed. He had on a robe, white tube socks, and no shirt. As a heterosexual man, this was obviously not a very appealing sight for me. The man invited me in and it almost appeared that he stumbled upon some vacant house one day and decided to squat. There was also a life-size poster cutout of Marilyn Monroe in one corner. I put the pizzas on the counter and he gave me a check for the total which was like $12.00. (He tipped me $1. Woo-hoo.) At this point, I guess it was party time because he took out a flask of Wild Turkey located in his robe pocket and started taking some shots. He offered me some which I declined and then he moved to Marilyn. He gave the poster a few "sips" which ran down the face and front. It appeared from the stains that this was not the first time attempting this. He turned to me and told me how hot she was and he asked me if she was hot. I said, "Yes." He said, "You bet your ass she is!" He then offered me some pizza which I just delivered and I declined that as well. He was now undoing his robe and proceeded to dry hump the two dimensional image claiming how much he wanted her. I kind of cleared my throat and started towards the door when he said, "Don't worry. You'll get a chance when I'm done." At this point, I felt the need to get the hell out of there so I opened the door. This was when he turned toward me with his robe dangling open and threw his flask of Wild Turkey at me shattering on the wall near me. (Very poor aim.) I pretty much hauled ass to my car and got out of there. Luckily, I always leave the engine running on deliveries. Needless to say, that was the last time I ever entered someone's house again. Dirty old man sex is not the prettiest thing to watch especially with a cardboard poster. return to top